Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
