I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
