every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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