that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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