and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
