I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
