she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
