Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
