this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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