"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
