I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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