Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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