it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
