hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
