Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
