the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
