so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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