these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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