Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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