Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
