Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
