Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
