planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
