Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
