I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
