It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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