Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
