Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
