I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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