My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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