so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
