ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
