Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
