My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
