Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
