If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
