You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
