hotel room ftw
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
