So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
