im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
