there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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