worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
