Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need a beard to bite.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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