Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Help. Why am I so naked?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
