i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
