when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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