We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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