That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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