Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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