I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
