The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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