Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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